it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
