i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
