Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
