No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
