Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
