I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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