I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
