your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
