I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
