I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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