I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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