I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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