Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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