will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
