Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
