Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
