Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
