At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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