why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
