I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
