once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
