I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
