saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
