i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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