Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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