Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
