Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
