I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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