i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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