my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's official drugs can't kill me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
