my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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