You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
