I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
