Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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