The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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