the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
