He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
