You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
