Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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