so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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