a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
