Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
