We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
