FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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