Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
