Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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