So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
