mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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