Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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