Your face is a jimmy john
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
