anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
