Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Randomize
