Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
