R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just cropdusted the office
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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