I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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