uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
