And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
