thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
