You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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