i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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