we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
