We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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