just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
