She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
