Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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