I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
