You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
