my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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