I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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