When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
