Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
