I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
